5 / 25 / 2023
Dear Friends,
So . . . I’ve become obsessed with social media. Not in the conventional way as a user, rather I'm obsessing over social media’s terrifying omnipresence and diabolical effects for our kids. Especially our girls.
What’s fascinating to me is that most of the toxic messages coming through are absolutely nothing new. As a 40+ year old woman, I was indoctrinated in this narrative long, long ago. You know, the one about being thin, pretty, agreeable. Updated distribution tactics – as far as I could tell – just allowed normal people (like me) to better access the best tricks and angles which had previously only been available to the supermodels. What a win, I used to think – that magazines and MTV and then, the internet – made this info obtainable to all of us.
What I didn’t realize, of course, was that while this socialization has been around for ages, the updates on more modern platforms allowed it to become more pervasive and harmful than ever before. While the generation before mine apologetically (?) acknowledged that high heels and waxes were uncomfortable, we were still told to grin and bear it. There’s a price you pay for beauty, but the benefits far outweigh the discomfort, we were taught.
Fast forward to today – and is it all surprisingly that we’re here? Now girls are shown tricks to lose weight, tricks to take the most flattering photo, and even tricks to entice their parents to sign off on (completely unnecessary) cosmetic surgeries. These devices and platforms are quite literally designed to condition kids to seek approval and validation on their people-pleasing behaviors and their aesthetics! We boast of modern technology and the speed of social media platforms, but it seems we're living with truly archaic ideals simply cloaked in a modern facade.
The teenage years are a notoriously crazy roller coaster ride - a natural time for exploration and self-discovery. It’s a period in life filled with drama, insecurity, judgement, and approval seeking. And all of that is terribly normal and age-appropriate! But when you add in social media, the increase and indulgence in the act of comparison can be insurmountable. The CDC found that one in three teenage girls reported seriously considering suicide in the past year . . . a shocking 60% increase from ten years ago.
As parents, we’re learning how to navigate it all in real-time too, and it’s just not the same as teaching a kid how to drive a car. This messaging runs deep (for both genders) and there’s no manual for any of this yet. The pressures on all sides to look good and seem ‘perfect’ are very, very real. But that simply cannot be an excuse to throw our hands up or bury our heads in the sand.
The stakes are too high and the consequences far too important. So for now, let’s at least commit to continue having these conversations. With our kids and with each other. It’s okay to admit that we’re flying a little blind here, but it’s important to keep learning and sharing ideas to protect our girls. One silver lining is that we have a voice – and some easy platforms 😉 – to do so.
