7 / 20 / 2023

Dear Friends,

For as long as I can remember, we’ve been taught to follow the golden rule, and lately I’m thinking we’ve gotten it wrong.

The premise is good, in so much as it’s don’t do to others things that you wouldn’t like done to yourself, but the opposite doesn’t really hold. Why? Because people are different. We have different experiences, different reactions, and different motivations. I actually think that’s what makes people so interesting (and, admittedly, also so complicated!)

I was recently introduced to the enneagram, a model that looks to categorize different personality types into nine different groups, exploring each type’s common patterns, strengths, challenges, and perspectives. Of course there’s nuance and tangents in there, but as a general model it can be tremendously helpful in recognizing others’ viewpoints, as well as unearthing opportunities for stronger relationships and understanding. The biggest benefit of the enneagram is that when you take the time to really try and appreciate someone else’s perspective, your own introspection – and compassion – are expanded, as well.

Naturally I couldn’t help thinking about how this translated to kids, or rather adults when parenting kids. It seems sort of obvious that rather than treating everyone how you want to be treated, it makes more sense to think about how they want to be treated. But the more interesting consideration, I think, is to extend that to thinking about how different people may also want to be inspired. Or motivated. Challenged or consoled. Taught, and even adored.

It takes more time, for sure. To be both reflective of ourselves and the ones we’re engaging with. But when it comes to our girls - they’re all so different. Their beauty so often lies in their complexities. And if we can figure out what makes them tick – (and ultimately thrive) . . . I think that’s where we find the real gold.